Thursday, October 14, 2010

Time to adopt a new attitude?

After my hard time getting and staying pregnant and subsequent near-death birth five (almost six) years ago, I decided a sibling for my son would come from my heart and not my womb. My husband and I officially decided to adopt 2 years ago on our 10 year anniversary trip to Vegas (what happens in Vegas regarding adoption does not stay in Vegas). I was a woman on a mission and had taken the Chinese adoption forms on the airplane intent to get sweet hubby to decide it was the best choice for our family. He did and it was exciting and romantic to think about expanding our family.
We immediately started the process with a Chinese adoption agency and then we hit a wall. Out of nowhere Chinese adoptions started taking 4 years! We decided to try for the "waiting child" program, to get a child with a minor correctible need, but alas, we found that our insurance company would not cover a child with preexisting conditions. So, we pulled out and decided to go with a domestic adoption agency where we have been on a wait list for about 1 1/2 years. We have had a couple of near-miss adoptions with them, but nothing has quite panned out. I got excited about a baby girl due this month until I found out that her birth mom is a methadone user. Bless that baby, but we will not be able to take on an infant in withdrawall as we already have a biological son to tend to as well and feel it would not be fair to him or the baby.
So, now I have been flirting with the possibility of getting back into the China program since my heart was there to start with. I recently found a beautiful little girl on a waiting child list. A little older than we had considered, almost three, but we got excited about the possibility of Little Man having a playmate in his age bracket. We got our pediatrician's take on her medical charts, which the agency sent us, which included some red flags, got a second opinion from an intl. adoption clinic and it turns out that this sweet little girl (who we daydreamed about for a good couple of weeks) has mild "mental retardation". Bless that angel. I know that she will end up in the best home for her, where the family can devote all of their attention to her. Unfortunately we know our limitations now and that is not us.
Soo, the search continues. I am sitting on a fence and the post is not in a very comfortable position. Who will our daughter be? An infant here in the US or a toddler overseas? OR, will we bag the whole idea and just let our boy rule the roost
since we are hitting roadblocks and certainly not getting any younger? I now officially let it go and trust that the best situation for our family and to the highest good of all will happen, or not happen, easlily and effortlessly as it is meant to be. Amen!


blueviolet said...

I hope that things will kinda just fall in place for you and you'll be led in the direction that leads to your child!

ModernMom said...

Some of my very best friends are going thorugh this right now. It is a difficult jouney to say the least. Hugs to you and I just know that your new attitute will provide you all the blessings in the world:)

Lori E said...

Attitude is everything in life and I think you have the right one. If it works out the way you hoped great, if not then deal with it and live the life you have. Good for you.
Best of luck with this. said...

Have you looked into Korea's program? I am about 10 years out of the loop on this, but when we were adopting, Korea had an excellent program and they were very dilligent when it came to health records. The wait time there was apx 9 months or so.

Good luck...whatever you decide to do!

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